Uh……
Something strange just happened. I just watched a guided self-inquiry with Greg Goode, and I got freaked out! I don’t know how many times I’ve mentally dissected my body in order to find exactly where I was. Never mind “who”, I never could figure that out. Anyway, he’s slicing me up, and, as always, I figure out I’m inside my brain somewhere, but the slices kept getting smaller and smaller to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I can’t locate myself. Waves of real panic and fear swept over me. I wasn’t ready for that! As much as I’ve been searching for whatever it is I thought this was, I never truly believed that I could seriously NOT be in this body. I’m still a bit freaked out even now. I’ve got a weird tingly vibration in my jaw just below my ears and on the tops of my fingers up to the first knuckle. I’m really shaken up right now.
The video stopped at some point, I don’t know when. I remember hearing it in the background, but I was sitting here with my eyes closed feeling waves of intense fear. All I kept thinking about was, “I’m not here?”, ”Where the hell am I?”, and “Who is asking these questions?” This body ain’t it, and I’m freaked out!!! I want to cry. What happened?
Anyway, this just happened, so I wanted to get it down in writing. I know that this is all just an experience, and it’s transitory and all that crap about that’s not it. But this was/is big for me. I need to go process this – I’m soooo confused.
Here’s a link to the video: Greg Goode
Its a shock. Hope you are feeling OK, wherever you are…..
x
Shock, yeah. I’m still dazed by it, but I feel myself creeping back in, and I wonder if I’ll turn it into some “strange experience” and chalk it up to a chemical imbalance or something. I can already see me trying to deceive myself. I don’t want to believe I’m not here. And that’s a strange way of putting it, but that was the overwhelming feeling I had… I’m not here. Sounds ridiculous, because I obviously am here, or none of this would be happening to “me”. But at the same time, I couldn’t see anyone when I looked. It’s all so cliche, and I don’t want to sound like one of those advaitin clowns, as I call them, but for the very first time I experienced “me” not being in or part of my body. It scared me. Really.
So, yeah, I feel fine. Just a bit dazed. We went to the store last night and I was walking in slow motion, just watching everything, wondering if all of that was real as well. My wife was asking me what’s wrong. I told her nothing. How do I tell here that I’m not here? What kind of a B.S. load is that? Quick, call the white coats!
I feel the urge to look again. I opened my eyes abruptly yesterday because of a noise, and I don’t think I was finished. I get to work this morning, and nobody’s here! I had to look at the cell phone to make sure it was only Friday. Nobody’s here! Surreal. I must not have gotten the memo. Of course, I’ve only been here two months.
Toodles,
Mike
Brilliant. Just wait until you have a moment when no memory is available – just this. WHOA! as Bill and Ted would say.
Well, don’t know ’bout how brilliant it is. I did have a go at it again today, but I’m afraid all that happened was sleep. Today, it’s like nothing happened, and now, looking back, I’m glad I wrote about it because it would just be a faint memory. I can’t remember the feeling of being scared to death. I hope that’s not all I’m gonna get.