I’m Baaaack…

I’ve been busy lately. A newborn fills your life with so much more than you can imagine. More than I remembered, but it’s all familiar territory nonetheless. I haven’t been able to write – wait, no, that’s not true… I could’ve written many times, but I’m too damned lazy. So let’s say I’ve been too wonderfully wrapped up in being with my family full-time again (since the six-month layoff) to be bothered with blogging. That isn’t to say that I haven’t been jumping up and down on the mental hi-dive board waiting for the right moment to do a double back flip with a twist into the deep waters once more. I have. And having another baby just makes it all the more colorful and poignant.

Since posting the videos by Dr. Hagelin, I’ve been flung off on a tangent and reconnected with my original search – the slippery world of quantum mechanics. Digging through old books in the garage, I pulled out three that I’m reading all at once.

Dancing Wu Li Masters: An Overview of the New Physics

The Tao of Physics: An Exploration of the Parallels between Modern Physics and Eastern Mysticism (25th Anniversary Edition)

Radical Nature: Rediscovering the Soul of Matter

These, as well as many other books read in the early days, have re-acquainted me with the scientific notion that, at the basic level, everything is the same, and that nothing happens without consciousness.  It’s just absolutely mind-blowing stuff when you get down to it.  The fact that me, this body, this mind, can question the origins and location(s) of consciousness (itself) is just… well… bizarre.

Meanwhile, I commented on a post of Randall Friend’s on his website.  To wit:

Dude, I swear to God you’re writing to me personally. Reading in the “reading room”, having already heard and learned the nonduality lingo I automatically discard the pointers, even the “who am I?” question.

Charlie said it, “Very clear!”. But… not really. Very clear in that I have a very real, conceptual understanding of all that you say here. I seem stuck, and I very often give up because the stuckness is something I’m not used to and I certainly don’t like.

You were here too, Randall. What was it that pushed you over the edge. There must’ve been a light that just all of a sudden came on, and you said, “oooohhhh… I get it now.” C’mon man… hook a brother up.

Thanks for the congrats, by the way.

Mike

Randall then replied:

Mike,

“Who am I?” runs aground because there is no answer. The mind wants to place “who-ness” or “what-ness” upon the “I” – the only conclusion which can be reached is THAT you are, but that doesn’t need to be reached because you already know that.

Instead of asking “who am I?” ask “What IS I?” What really IS it? Then we’re immediately discerning the identifications which are placed upon “I”. Notice how so much is added on top of the simple “I” – every idea, every thought, every perception and sensation.

When we just stay with the simple “I”-ness, we find it’s nothing more than the background activity of knowing. “I” IS Awareness or Being, which doesn’t require a search, doesn’t need to be found. It is always there through all the frustrations, always there while the conceptual understanding flourishes, always the case.

Just notice that “I” is awareness. And awareness is limitless. Therefore “I” IS limitless. There isn’t anything more to it.

The giving up and going back head-first is just what IS – it may or may not resolve itself, and it is irrelevant. You already ARE that “I”, are you not? It isn’t a matter of getting anything. It’s seeing what you are not. Seeing what you are not, in identifications, you come to see that you are actually ALL, you are the wholeness or Oneness already.

This joy you are finding in the birth of your baby boy – that joy doesn’t come from outside, from situations. That joy is your Self shining, the absence of the “wanting self”. That joy cannot be found in objects or situations but is revealed or uncovered when, like when Owen was born, there was nothing being projected. Nothing missing. Nothing being sought after. Just pure joy, pure unfettered bliss. Limitlessness. That IS your Self, shining.

Yet if we hold on to that experience of Joy, we want it back – then the “wanting or seeking self” returns, once again what IS is not good enough, your Self is once again seemingly obscured, that “I” is again taken to be limited.

Yes, from one perspective there seemed to be something missing and something which triggered a recognition. But that trigger wasn’t some new statement, some ground-shaking pointer. It had been heard a thousand times but was ignored. In fact what the pointers point to was already known, already intimately familiar. The “knowing of my Self” didn’t come in new. It was already obvious but only overlooked BECAUSE it was being sought after, BECAUSE it was assumed to not be there, assumed to be the PRODUCT of the search.

Therefore that “wanting self” was functioning at top speed. When it was recognized that “I AM that ‘I’” and that “I” isn’t anything which can be quantified or conceptualized, yet is the most intimately-known reality, the pure subjective “space” or background or activity of knowing, then the “wanting self” fell away forever – there is and never was anything to get.

It was recognized that “I” am already full and complete, already limitless – not only does that “I” not need anything it literally cannot GET anything – therefore what is needed? What else can be gained? Seeking then just falls away naturally as completely unnecessary.

“I AM THAT” was then just a simple statement of actual, nondual reality, what IS, and not some spiritual bullshit.

THIS, right here and now, just THIS, is Advaita, nonduality, Oneness. Oneness isn’t the product of the spiritual search and does not come in anew. Oneness is unavoidable, already inescapable. What IS, is Oneness. Whatever THIS is imagined to be in mind, whatever THIS is split up into in concepts, whatever THIS is appearing as or experienced as, THIS is IT. Oneness is already the case.

You’re welcome to email or call anytime – if it may help to clear up any doubts. There are no donations requested or accepted. But the recognition of your Self isn’t waiting on the next book to be read or an email or phone call to some damn “guru” – you already ARE that “I”, are you not?

Just find out what “I” actually is, and isn’t.

love
randall

I love that last paragraph!  Randall, my friend, I might just take you up on that.  I’m damned tired of this nonsense I’m continually carrying on about.  And, if I get all pissed off about it, he’s close enough that maybe I could throw a rock at him or something (just kidding Randall).

It’s just so easy to say, “I am the background, that unending, eternal expanse of nothingness in which everything arises”, and I actually can mentally grasp that concept and declare it to be the truth.  I am that.  But the feeling, or conscious recognition if you will, isn’t there.  It’s all an idea.  Going along with something that kind of makes sense, but not really.  OK, Randall, if you’re reading… get ready.  I’m a comin’.